No one is ever going to ask me about these two but I can’t help myself okay
This is one of those circulating meme things. It came about because I spent a lot of time sitting around at various relatives’ houses today and therefore had very little to do than look pretty, think quietly, and duck the occasional projectile thrown by a kid who’d had too much sugar. (Sheer khurma! It creeps up on you.)
So: Maia and Csethiro!
(This is mostly me blogging about headcanons. Plz help.)
Who kills the bugs? Neither of them have to kill bugs—they have people for that. But should the need ever come about, Csethiro would rise heroically to the occasion: Maia wouldn’t kill any bugs, but Csethiro, I think, would enjoy the crunch sound chitin makes when one drops a heavy book on it.
Who hogs the sheets? Maia, who’s never had to share sleeping space with anyone and who doesn’t sleep restfully very often to begin with. I think Csethiro would have some experience sharing a bed, what with her having four sisters. (And I have them all planned out, too: Tiavan is the practical one, Hino is the sweet one, Csethiro is the clever one, Leänan is the artistic one, and Aäno is the wild one. But how stupid such distinctions are, because all of them are complex people who are so much more than a convenient character trait. After all, Hino makes up rude rhymes about people; Tiavan has a weakness for cartography and maps of all kinds; Leänan destroys as much as she creates in fits of temper; Aäno nurses a secret ambition to go to the University of Ashedro and study the historiography of the Ethuveraz; and Csethiro finds herself fighting the strangest urges to reach out and touch her husband’s hand at the oddest moments.)
Who hates mornings? Neither of them. Maia begins to meditate in the mornings, and Csethiro never really had any patience with slugabeds.
Who’s cranky before they had their coffee? Maia. He’s gotten quite dependent on chamomile tea.
Who doesn’t like their mother in law? Maia doesn’t much care for the current Marquess Ceredel, who remains a bit of an idiot. He doesn’t much mind the marchioness, who often keeps to herself, and he genuinely enjoys the company of Csethiro’s sisters who have decided wholeheartedly that Maia could do with a bit more lightheartedness in his life. (Tiavan and Hino’s husbands are an amiable couple of people; there is much clapping of backs and sharing of rice wine from across the Chadevan Sea that Tiavan’s husband passionately loves and Hino’s tolerates and Maia grows to like.) Csethiro, for her part, takes the lesser Drazhada in stride, and thinks sometimes, in her heart of hearts, that it’s worth all the hassle of being Empress of the Ethuveraz just to spite Csoru alone.
Who drives? Neither. They have people for that.
Who gets horny in awkward public places? Both of them? I’m having a lot of fun imagining copulatory looks shared across the table in full view of the court. A lot of women go diving for their smelling salts. Beshelar is scandalized, Cala approves, and Csevet puts all his money on a child being born within a year in the courier office betting pool.
Who had a scene phase? Neither, because this is clearly Not A Thing in this world. However, I’m fully ready to believe that Csethiro bullied some unfortunate Goblin guardsman to teach her how to handle a sword. She’s definitely the one who went through a protracted rebellious phase.
Who wore braces? Again, not really applicable. But if we think about who had the more awkward adolescence, I’d say it’s an even tie. Maia deals with being half-Goblin in a world of milk-white Elves; Csethiro deals with the fact that she’s not very pretty and not very inclined to lady-like activities—she would much rather learn to stick a body with a pointy thing than embroider, thanks.
Who got bullied? Rather than talk about this (because Maia, poor baby, definitely takes the cake) I kind of like the idea that Csethiro was a sort of bully hunter? She would take special care to be kind and encouraging to the ladies who were bullied, ridiculed, or otherwise ostracized by Csoru and her ilk.
Who collects ceramic elephants? Csethiro collects antique swords. Kind of the same thing?